How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

First published in 1980 and now a multi-million-copy bestseller, this is the classic, practical guide to everyday communication with children. Chapter by chapter, it covers helping children deal with their feelings, getting them to co-operate, alternatives to punishment, encouraging independence, praise, and freeing children from the labels and roles we give them.

Why Dad Recommends It

There's a reason this book is still recommended more than forty years after it first came out. It's hugely practical. Instead of theory, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish give you actual words to try, often shown as cartoon strips of what we usually say next to what works better. I think dads in particular will like how hands-on it is: you can read a chapter and try it at teatime the same evening. The ideas are simple but powerful. Acknowledge feelings before jumping in with solutions, describe the problem instead of blaming, and replace punishment with ways for children to put things right. Even Philippa Perry calls it 'a brilliant book' on the cover of the UK edition.

What Children Can Learn

Children whose parents use these skills learn to name their feelings, to work out solutions to problems themselves, and to take responsibility when things go wrong, rather than simply being told off.

What Parents Can Take From It

The most useful thing to try straight away is acknowledging a feeling before you fix, correct or argue, so 'You sound really frustrated' instead of 'Don't be silly'. The chapter on engaging co-operation is a goldmine for the morning school rush, with tools like describing what you see, giving information, saying it in a word or leaving a note instead of nagging. The chapter on praise is an eye-opener too: describing exactly what your child did tends to mean more to them than 'good job'. Pick one skill a week rather than trying to change everything at once.