World Mental Health Day: Simple Ways to Help Our Kids Talk About Feelings

Tomorrow, Saturday 10 October, is World Mental Health Day. It's a day that comes round every year, and it's a good nudge for all of us to stop and check in, not just on ourselves, but on our children too.

When we think about our kids' health, we usually think about coughs, colds and vaccinations. But how they feel inside matters just as much. The good news is that we don't need to be experts to help. Most of it comes down to small, everyday habits.

Why feelings need words

Little ones often feel big things before they have the words for them. A meltdown over the wrong colour cup is rarely about the cup. It might be tiredness, hunger, worry or just a long day.

When we help children put a name to a feeling ("You look really frustrated"), we're giving them a tool they'll use for life. Over time, naming a feeling makes it easier to handle.

Make talking normal, not a big event

Children don't tend to open up when we sit them down for a Serious Talk. They open up in the gaps:

• in the car on the school run
• while drawing or building Lego side by side
• at bedtime, when the lights are low
• on a walk, when nobody has to make eye contact

Try swapping "How was school?" (usually answered with "Fine") for something more specific, like "What made you laugh today?" or "Was anything tricky today?"

Listen first, fix later

As dads, many of us want to jump in and solve the problem straight away. Sometimes that's helpful. But often our children just want to feel heard.

A simple pattern that works well:

1. Listen without interrupting.
2. Name the feeling back to them.
3. Reassure them that it's OK to feel that way.
4. Ask whether they'd like help, or just a hug.

Show them it's OK for grown-ups too

Kids learn far more from what we do than what we say. If they see us saying "I'm feeling a bit stressed, I'm going to take a few deep breaths", they learn that feelings are normal and manageable, even for Dad.

We don't need to share adult worries with them. But letting them see us name our feelings, calmly and honestly, is a powerful lesson.

Kid-friendly ideas to try this weekend

• Feelings faces: Draw happy, sad, angry, worried and excited faces on paper plates. Ask everyone at dinner to hold up the one that matches their day.
• Worry jar: Children write or draw a worry, pop it in a jar, and you look at it together later. Often it feels smaller by then.
• Teddy breathing: Lie down with a teddy on their tummy and watch it rise and fall with slow breaths.
• Gratitude round: At bedtime, everyone shares one good thing from their day.
• Feelings stories: Picture books are a gentle way in. Ask "How do you think that character felt?"

When to get extra support

All children have ups and downs. But if you notice changes that last, such as trouble sleeping, losing interest in things they used to enjoy, pulling away from friends, or worries that get in the way of everyday life, it's worth getting support.

A good first step is talking to your child's school or your GP. In the UK, these are also helpful places to look:

• Childline: free and confidential for children and young people, on 0800 1111 or at childline.org.uk
• YoungMinds: advice for parents and young people at youngminds.org.uk
• NHS: guidance on children's mental health at nhs.uk

If you ever think a child is in immediate danger, call 999.

A small step this weekend

World Mental Health Day doesn't need to be a big occasion at home. Maybe it's just one extra question at dinner, one longer cuddle at bedtime, or one walk where you put the phone away and really listen.

Our children won't remember every word we say. But they'll remember that we were the person they could always come to. And that's worth more than anything.